After watching the Lauryn Hill speech, my post before this one I was ok, but after listening my spirits has just risen. I feel positivity flowing from me. Living life with hate, regrets is not good, there will be ups and downs in life. There will be people who disappoint you, that's inevitable, but what matters is how you respond to it how you interpret, and you should never give people the upper hand on how you may view life and others after. I love people, I love myself, family, friends, acquaintances. I just want to live my life through positivity. I love the Lord and I know he loves me.
And if need be sometimes you just have to cry to yourself, let your feelings out, but not in a destructive way. Destructiveness will only lead to regrets. There will be trials and temptations where you just want to blow up and it WILL be hard, but it's a work in progress. Just love yourself, don't worry about what people may say about you, think about you, Treat you, because at the end of the day you are your own person, and Jesus loves you unconditionally. I can go on and on, but I'm just going to listen to some Lauryn Hill Songs.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
...and Life goes on
So this weekend has been interesting. Some friends and LS's got together and threw me and my other friend a birthday gathering. It was good, the guy that I WAS talking to still didn't say Happy Birthday to me, but he did text me "hey" the next day. Like really? ok! Then he called but I couldn't talk at the time so I decided to go down stairs to his apt because my friends are his next door neighbors. He didn't embrace, hug me, he didn't look sorry, even though he did say he was sorry for not saying anything and that there were no excuses. At that point I was over it, I didn't scream at him, I didn't look angry, I was just fed up. For a person that I thought highly of, even as a friend, he sure let me down and I told him that. I was not sparing his feelings, but I'm glad I stayed cool calm and collective, because I believe that you should never give emotional power to some one who doesn't think of you the way you think of them. It had opened my eyes to see that people are fickle and they've always been and they always will be. I'm not going to be that bitter person and say F all males, because I know a few great males and I have GREAT guy friends. So to place them in one category will not be fair. Other than that "mishap" I did have a pretty chill birthday weekend, and that's what I wanted. I hung out with friends, and I enjoyed them and life. I can't wait to go back to Baltimore to celebrate with some Americorp Team Members. And I definitely can not wait to see my Mom, I miss her soooo much, even when she gets on my nerves. I just want to have mother daughter time. Until next time, safe Holidays!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friend, Foe, or none of the Above?
There comes a time in your life when you know who is really with you, and I definitely experienced that this weekend. It's my birthday weekend and I was not too happy how everything went. People that I thought I was close to did not call me, hit me up nothing. I may have gotten a wall post on FB amongst the hundreds of other friends that wrote on my wall, but I was expecting more from some close friends. The guy that I was talking to for 3 months did not hit me up at all. I mean absolutely no communication I had to remind him at a pregame party we were at for his show, and that was it, and even then he didn't even remember. A girlfriend of mine did not call me and we've celebrated our bdays in college because they are 4 days a part. I'm like really?! I got a reality check this weekend, and even though it hurts a lot I've learned from it and happy to see how people really are. I believe that I've never really had close attachments to people because of what my future may hold for me, and I'm starting to see that more, people will let you down in a heart beat, no remorse. So I'm living my life enjoying every thing in the present and not worrying about my future relationships because only time will tell where you stand in a friend's life. I don't mean to sound bitter, but it happens.
On the bright side there were people that I was definitely SURPRISED by that hit me up and took me out. I'm definitely grateful for them and when I think about it, they've been with me through different times. The people that I thought would've been there weren't, while there were people that I didn't think of were. Funny how life goes. I just ask God to give me discernment of who my really friends are and the people that wants the best for me, because they are few. My parents always warned me about how friends will come and go, and I'm definitely seeing the fruitations of their words. I wish it wasn't so, but its life. I'll definitely get over it and them as time goes by, until then I will be living my life, like I should.
On the bright side there were people that I was definitely SURPRISED by that hit me up and took me out. I'm definitely grateful for them and when I think about it, they've been with me through different times. The people that I thought would've been there weren't, while there were people that I didn't think of were. Funny how life goes. I just ask God to give me discernment of who my really friends are and the people that wants the best for me, because they are few. My parents always warned me about how friends will come and go, and I'm definitely seeing the fruitations of their words. I wish it wasn't so, but its life. I'll definitely get over it and them as time goes by, until then I will be living my life, like I should.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
2 Months Later...
Wow, looking back at my last post, A LOT has changed! The guy that I was not too sure about well we've been open with each other and I'm greatful for him because not too many guys could or would openly talk about their feelings to someone they are only "talking" to. It also showed me that he was legit in his feelings and even though we're still not dating I know he will be great friends in the long run, as for a future relationship with him? well I'm not too sure I'm just taking it one day at a time =). He's been busy pledging and what not, which I am equally happy and excited for with him and this weekend I'll be making his present, I love home projects. Asking God for patience has really helped too, because they were times when I could've blown up and been a crazy person but I didn't I stayed cool calm and collective. Yay Me!!!
There's another person that's been bugging my mind for the last couple weeks now, and everyday he seems to be at the forefront of my mind. We've never had any relations but a year or so ago we did admit to each other that we did have feelings for each other, but we never moved from there. I think the both of us are just happy being friends with each other until we've full established ourselves and take opportunities that might arise in our present lives. I don't know what to say about the future, but I know he's definitely an option if I do have options lol. And he's a sweetheart. The only thing that might hinder me from being with him is the constant thought about me not finding him attractive enough, or my usual likes, but a few things I can say about him, he commands respect when he's surrounded by people (in a positive way), he's confident in himself, he loves God (Christian), funny, down to earth, and I can just be myself around him and I appreciate that.
Anyway, I'm putting that on the back burner and dealing with ME first. Next up GRE, omg these practice guides are no joke, and if this is a glimpse of the actual test, Lord I pray you send down a miracle and a divine intervention so that I can pass this test with scores I can't even imagine getting. Thank you, Amen!!! Love you!
There's another person that's been bugging my mind for the last couple weeks now, and everyday he seems to be at the forefront of my mind. We've never had any relations but a year or so ago we did admit to each other that we did have feelings for each other, but we never moved from there. I think the both of us are just happy being friends with each other until we've full established ourselves and take opportunities that might arise in our present lives. I don't know what to say about the future, but I know he's definitely an option if I do have options lol. And he's a sweetheart. The only thing that might hinder me from being with him is the constant thought about me not finding him attractive enough, or my usual likes, but a few things I can say about him, he commands respect when he's surrounded by people (in a positive way), he's confident in himself, he loves God (Christian), funny, down to earth, and I can just be myself around him and I appreciate that.
Anyway, I'm putting that on the back burner and dealing with ME first. Next up GRE, omg these practice guides are no joke, and if this is a glimpse of the actual test, Lord I pray you send down a miracle and a divine intervention so that I can pass this test with scores I can't even imagine getting. Thank you, Amen!!! Love you!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Emo again...
Am I a jealous person. I'm talking to a guy right now, and I'm not sure if the chemistry is there anymore. We're in an exclusive "talking" long distance relationship and I feel like he's not showing me the attention that I want. And I have a feeling its going in certain areas and not me. How do I deal with it, I don't want to come off as this Jealous girl that can trust any dude she talks to. But then again I want to express how I feel, and I want it to work. But in the back of my mind i feel like in the end its not going to work, because I have too many doubts. Ultimately I feel like I won't find the right man, and that I might end up alone. I really don't want that. I want a man to love me for me, in my good and my bad. There's this one guy that I know will do that if he has the chance but I can't talk to him. His life is not the type of life I want, he went to jail,his family is a mess, like a BIG MESS! AND if I know whats good for me I would stay away from that...I"m wise enough to know that a dead end street. Anyway, I need to have patience, I want to be with someone, I love being with someone, because it makes life that much more fun. I've been single for awhile I think its fair enough to want to be with someone. Its not like I'm jumping from one relationship to the next. Then again I need to slow my nerves, because rushing to be with someone will only make it worse, Father God give me patience, because I really need it. I don't know if I should just cut it off with the guy I'm talking to now, deep down I really don't want to because I want to be with him, but I think its affecting a lot because I'm not sure if he 100% really likes me, and I'm the type of person that wants to know for sure...I dont, that part of my life is just soo confusing right now...I want to be with someone...I hope I don't sound desperate, even though I already do, but whatever, its just an emotion, right?
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Random Thoughts
Its been awhile since I wrote on here...I've been really busy, there have been a lot of random thoughts and wishful thinking going through my head lately and here they are:
Why do we have to get the bad end of the stick... (somethings I can't say on here, knowing that anyone can read and figure out what I'm talking about) so sorry for being so vague.
I wish I had a closer front and back, they truly suck, sad thing is I knew that from the beginning!
I wonder what's really going on with my family no one ever tells me the things down to a detail...I wanna know the details dammit.
Am I ever going to see my family in one setting, I don't even know most of them, I guess that's what happens when everyone's spread all over the world.
Why is my self esteem so low at times. Affirmation does work though!
I honestly do not want to go home and live for the next year, but its the wisest decision because i need to start saving and take some debt out of my mothers hand.
Do I really want to become a nurse...like do I really want to do that, or am I just going after the money!
When I do become a nurse I think I will be a traveling nurse for a year or two, if I don't have a man by then.
Who am i going to really stay in contact with after I leave USF, like I can think of a few but lets be REAL!!
I want to marry a wealthy man that got his ish together, I don't want both of us struggling...that's not being a gold digger, that's being smart.
I love fashion, and I see it as way of self expression in a world that doesn't listen to what you have to say at times, so make a statement...sad thing about this is I just figured it out just as I writing this. F-it, Imma do my thing, hate if you want! =)
I am going back natural for the second time, but with no big chop...pray for me yall lol!
Why are some girls so beautiful why others are mediocre..not fair
When will the money come, do we not deserve it? I don't get it!
Why don't I push myself to the limit and think big thoughts like I used to do...
I really want to live in a different country for about a year of two...
I want that long stripped skirt, it was soo cute and I would rock it like no other...just give me the courage!
I absolutely LOVE big hair!
Why can't I get the boy I like or at least him wanting to get me!
Well that's it for now, Thanks for passing through!
Why do we have to get the bad end of the stick... (somethings I can't say on here, knowing that anyone can read and figure out what I'm talking about) so sorry for being so vague.
I wish I had a closer front and back, they truly suck, sad thing is I knew that from the beginning!
I wonder what's really going on with my family no one ever tells me the things down to a detail...I wanna know the details dammit.
Am I ever going to see my family in one setting, I don't even know most of them, I guess that's what happens when everyone's spread all over the world.
Why is my self esteem so low at times. Affirmation does work though!
I honestly do not want to go home and live for the next year, but its the wisest decision because i need to start saving and take some debt out of my mothers hand.
Do I really want to become a nurse...like do I really want to do that, or am I just going after the money!
When I do become a nurse I think I will be a traveling nurse for a year or two, if I don't have a man by then.
Who am i going to really stay in contact with after I leave USF, like I can think of a few but lets be REAL!!
I want to marry a wealthy man that got his ish together, I don't want both of us struggling...that's not being a gold digger, that's being smart.
I love fashion, and I see it as way of self expression in a world that doesn't listen to what you have to say at times, so make a statement...sad thing about this is I just figured it out just as I writing this. F-it, Imma do my thing, hate if you want! =)
I am going back natural for the second time, but with no big chop...pray for me yall lol!
Why are some girls so beautiful why others are mediocre..not fair
When will the money come, do we not deserve it? I don't get it!
Why don't I push myself to the limit and think big thoughts like I used to do...
I really want to live in a different country for about a year of two...
I want that long stripped skirt, it was soo cute and I would rock it like no other...just give me the courage!
I absolutely LOVE big hair!
Why can't I get the boy I like or at least him wanting to get me!
Well that's it for now, Thanks for passing through!
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