this is me venting...
so about 2wks ago I was feeling a little home sick (i would call my mom everyday, I usually call 2 or 3x week), and I was thinking about going home this weekend, but it all changed two days ago. During the time I would tell my mom how I was dissatisfied with my internship and that I don't think I will ever be a case manager for the elderly. I was almost at quits but I know deep down I wouldn't quit. I just like expressing my feelings so it wont build up. Wrong decision telling her (& I knew it from the beginning it was a huge mistake but I kept on going). During the time she would talk about my brothers and how they never listen and that's why they are in the predicament that they are in now....She always hold on to that instead of letting it go...I mean we can't do anything about it now..life goes on!! She would listen and tell me, " Oh do what you want to do blah, blah, blah"
So the other day I came across an internship in DC its a paid internship all you have to do is apply and they MIGHT pick you!!! They pay round trip airfare, I would get weekly stipends ($480) and the organization I would work for would find a place for me to live and I would have to pay the rent from the weekly stipend I get. Sounds like a good deal right!! Oh yea I would also get college credits!!
So I am excited about the information mtg which I am still going to on Monday, so I couldn't wait to tell my mother. I called her that night telling her about the internship, and before she even understood all the details of the internship she starts getting all CRAZY (literally) saying oh she opposes of me doing it, I don't know anyone in DC, its going to be cold, she has to pay for everything and its going to be expensive. I'm like didn't I tell this lady its a paid internship and they are paying for the airfare etc. That's how I know she wasn't listening. She keeps talking and talking and I'm like can you listen. And she shouts no you need to listen to me. In my mind I'm like why the hell did I tell this lady anything to begin with. She then goes back and throw in my face how I don't like the internship that I am in right now and what if that happens to me again. Which is a risk I am willing to take.
BTW I told her i don't even know if I would get a job in Case Mgmt and that I was thinking about going back to nursing. which I know she loved hearing...BIG ASS MISTAKE!!!! (that is a back up plan) But after talking with my internship supervisor the next day she tells me and another intern that they are planning on hiring 2 of us for the summer.
back to the point...I'm like does she think I'm going to stay in Florida with them all my life and never leave because i don't know anyone anywhere else. I'm going to be turning 22 at the end of the year and I do plan on starting my life with or without their approval...To me I feel as if my parents do not take advantage of their social networking, because they are too caught up in their old ways (pride). In order to make it you need to put yourself out there it may be scary at first but you have to do it. If that means me going to live in another state or country to have a better life for me and my future family then so be it!!! This is the time to experience things because I don't know when that time will come again. I don't plan on always working a 9 to 5 just to sustain my family needs.
Its funny because when I go up on down the elevator at my internship (its a sky rise; 25 floors) you can tell who is who...and I don't plan on being a little pea in pod...I'm not destined for that and I know that!! I remember this conversation in the elevator: There was a man saying Oh I was going to take a day off today but decided not too, then the other man says oh that's good for you but I cant do that I have to work everyday...I know I do NOT want to be the man that says he has to work everyday. That's why you build your self up now, learn from others mistakes and take them into account. I know I've made some mistakes in the past, but I have to get over them because they're only a learning experience.
I wish I can talk to my parents with out them jumping down my throat...Oh yea to make it even better. My dad called me the next morning saying I need to take that out of my head and I'm not going to another state, he didn't even try to know exactly what I was talking about with my mother...I'm like I'm done...I would NEVER tell them anything until I know for sure that I am doing it and its already in the works. I have to live MY life...and I can't always wait for their approval, if so i don't know how I would be able to live...
-Ren
My goals are to graduate with a BA in Gerontology (get a job), get my masters in Public Health via Peace corps, work for the CDC or WHO or another global health organization and take myself up from their with the blessings of God...Father God I hope this is what you want for me and the doors of opportunity are there for me to walk through!!
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