2010 EPIC YEAR

2010, has been a GREAT year for me. Gained a lot of memories that I will always rememeber. Went to ATL twice with friends in my car, mini road trips lol. Traveled abroad to London, Paris, and Rome. Swam in the Mediterranean sea, went to the top of the eiffel tower and over looked Paris, went into the Vatican, the Louvre, and soo many other places that I can not remember right now, but I will remember with time, lol. (I loved France, and I plan on learning French, sidenote lol). Became a part of thee greatest Sorority of all time, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority and gained 38 Line Sisters, that I care for and love very much. I wish this year will keep on going, because I loved every bit of it.

"Food for thought" no where in 2010 was there a guy worth talking about or a budding relationship, who said a girl can only have fun with a guy in mind...girls just wanna have fun!

There were some down parts, my grandma, my dads mom died. It was a shock but not a huge one, she was sick and had cancer for some time, but the reason of her death was the shocker, she had a heart attack. But I know she is in a better place.

#2011 should be an epic year...definitely looking forward to graduating undergrad in the spring!

It flew by...

Lately I've been thinking to myself how much I grew from since I was a freshman in college. I am now a senior graduating in spring 2011, and I'm excited and sad at the same time. I feel like these four years just flew by, I even thought about staying an extra semester because I'm kinda scared of the real world and waking up early for work...ugh (I don't want to think about it) lol. But I mean I guess thats life, i've accomplished somethings in college, like being a part of a leadership board, traveling abroad to London, Paris, and Rome, and meeting great people, becoming a part of the greatest sorority ever DELTA SIGMA THETA SORORITY, INC. and just like that its about to be over, (sigh). I mean its not the end I'm still going to graduate school and getting my masters, but I dont think it will be the same. I really do not know what to think about my future, i'm scared of the unknown, point blank. My personality is not one to make close friends easily, not that I have attitudes or I get rude, but because I tend to shy away from people when I feel like they are getting too close, it's a barrier I have up, that I am trying to break, but i just think its my personality, I can't help it!! The close friends I do have I love them dearly. I still feel like I have a lot more to learn, and as of right now I am an open book,r eady to take all the good in! Until next time...

i LOVE MY DST!

....I'M BACK!!! I've been incognito for awhile now, but I'm happy to say I'm some what back lol...I am a new member of the Kappa Iota Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta #25...OOOO-OOP I LOVE ALL OF MY SORORS especially my LS!!! OOOO-OOP!!!

I GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND MY HAIR IS ONE...

AHHH AM I REALLY THINKING ABOUT GOING BACK NATURAL AFTER BEING RELAXED JUST FOR 3 MONTHS...I CAN NEVER MAKE UP MY MIND. BY THE WAY I SAW A GIRL WITH THE PRETTIEST SISTERLOCKS EVER!! I WANT THEM...LIKE RIGHT NOW LOL!!!! OK BACK TO STUDYING!

thoughts...

Life has its ups and downs it what you make out of it to live a happy healthy life. As I lay here in my mothers bed, I think about some of the things in life that has shaped me to be the person that I've become. I want so much more for my family and my self but where do you begin if you have nothing...I am filled with emotion curiosity and all the other emotions mixed inside, all I can do is lay back and think of the possibilities in my future, and now is the time for me to cease the opportunities and not let them pass me by.. MY motto is living with out regrets! Until next time...have a good week!

Hair Issues & Exercise

Wow, I have been relaxed for 3 months now, and I am a lil below shoulder length, but I haven't been paying much attention to my hair for the past week and a half, and my hair is suffering because of it. This week I will have to pamper my hair to the fullest so it feel it's best. Prepoo,Deep Condition, and leave in conditioner, plus moisturize and seal. =D
I will also be going back to my exercise regimen, the only time I will have to exercise, will be on Mondays and Thursdays after class. Tread Mill and thigh tightener here I come...
Until next time...

random

I feel like I am starting to go through a phase of not wanting to be with someone, there have been so many hit and misses that I'm just tired of looking for that "one". I just feel like I need to concentrate on me and get everything I need and want by the time I graduate from undergrad in May. I already planned what I will be doing in the next year. Find a summer internship, Americorp for a year and then Grad School 2012. I pray that this plan goes through and that everything goes smoothly in every aspect of my life. I should be writing a paper right now, but I can't even think. I'd rather be in my bed watching tv, and laughing. I'm now listening to Natasha Beddignfield- Pocket Full of Sunshine....thats something to look forward to, I guess. There are no words that can describe how I feel right now, I'm just indescribable. Yep, thats it!! I'm tired I should go home, I hate getting home so late especially when I live in a neighborhood that has a bad name. Well I'm signing off of this thing....until next time!

Wondering Thoughts

Well my mind is everywhere right now, so I'll be writing whatever comes to mind, so here goes..

I wish I had someone to call mine, but I don't so I guess I won't dwell on the situation and make it take over my life. Just keep my eyes on the prize and keep it moving. BTW i don't think I ever told you guys what happened between me and the guy from my last post. Well we talked about why he's been acting up (not hitting me up) and basically after I told him I used date this guy like a year and a half ago, a month ago, He came to the conclusion that we should just be friends, because he's friend with the guy. I asked him when did he make up his mind about this, and he responded like a week ago. I then said if he felt this way, why didn't he just tell me instead of making me deal with this foolishness for a week. That's not being real. I told him I felt like he led me on, and that he was foul for doing so, and he just needs to be real with me. That was that...don't feel like lingering on that topic. Funny thing is now, he text me almost every day now. I do except his friendship, because he does seem like a caring person, but damn that's all I wanted in the first place, I wish things like this wasn't an issue. But I am going to keep my distance, because I still like him.

My hair I'm loving it right now, just got a relaxer on the 10th of September after being 11 weeks post, and my hair grew an inch and a half. I feel some what accomplished because my hair is definitely shoulder length now, and I can not wait until it reach arm pit length. There have been some thoughts about dreading up my hair in the future, but I have to find the right time in my life to do so.

I've been contacting a few people about internships, and I've found some that were good, I just need to start applying and see who excepts me. Most of them are out of state or out of country, its just that deep down inside I am somewhat nervous and scared to venture into another chapter of my life, there's always a feeling of uncertainty, but that's life. " You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore" Christopher Columbus.

Right now I am at a point in my life, where I am not where I want to be financially, and I still need to grow from that. I wish it was easier done than said that easier said than done, but its not. Its going to take discipline to get where I want to be in life financially. I don't have any credit card debts but the loans...oh my...what am I going to do...I've already figured out some things like Americorp/health corps. I just wish it didn't have to come to that, don't get me wrong though I DO WANT to be in those programs, because I have a passion for helping people, not just for the benefits

I wish at least 2 times a year I can travel to any country in the world with a friend that I choose, that would be pure awesomness. Matter of fact do you ever think how your career will allow you to serve the Lord, I was thinking about that the other day. And I felt a shame that I have so many things I want to do, but then where would I find a place to serve the Lord. I pray that where ever I go I find a church service or organization that keeps me in touch with my Savior.

Where's my loving husband at man or where is Mr right now??? lol...I'm bored, and I want a massage [sigggh]...

deuces time to look up some internships/fellowships

decisions decisions...color?!?!

So tomorrow, well later on today when I get up from sleeping and come back from church hopefully I will be painting my room. But, I don't know what color yet...I want my room to seem a lot spacious, and I was reading how creamy or bright colors makes your room look bigger. So I'm thinking of a warm yellow, light lavender, or warm green. i have no idea yet...I just hope the paint is not too expensive...I was trying to move out of my apartment because I don't like the location but the other apartments the leasing office were trying to place me in were completely horrible. So I am staying here and making the best out of it, and first thing first...is room decor!I just thought of another color...CORAL! That should be pretty...its deep but not to bright and its somewhat of a soft color.

And yes!!! I finally bought a camera, its actually a camcorder/camera/web-cam! I hope it comes because I got it off of Ebay all the way from china...no middle man!

Well my time is up here people, its 2:47am and I have church in the morning, so time to hit the sheets!! Jesus Loves you...good night!

...days like this I just wanna be on an Island!

...currently at work bored and soo damn tired, all I can think about in the back of my mind is the guy. I have a pletora of different feelings towards him. I wish he would show me whether or not he was really interested, because he would say all these things and yet act a different way (games). I know he's going through a lot right now, but just like how he wants me to open up to him, I wish he would do the same for me. I didnt bother contacting him yesterday nor will I today, I'm tired of feeling like I am the one chasing him. Its time to sit back and see where this goes from here, if its meant to be it will be, but in the mean time I have a lot more important things to worry about.


Me and my first love been talking for a week now, just catching up on each others lives, and I even told him I wanted to see him, so I was considering flying or drving to go see him (he lives in a different state). Well yesterday reality just slapped me in the face again to why I'd rather not deal with him. He is someone I can not rely on and just like the guy I'm interested in its all words and no actions. He made it seem like he was down for it, and then last night he told me he didnt realize it was in September, after I've been telling him the date for about 2 days now. Then he told me he's now smoking some hard stuff. I wasn't surprised, but I was just like, well damn! He made it seem as if his life was going in the right direction but he failed to tell me that he still lives with his mother and now he smokes, and God only know what else he does. I am not putting myself in harms way, so I just told him forget it. If you can't be honset with me there's no need for me to waste my time.

PSA: I am by no means in need for a man, but I do want one. Especially for the days when you're tired of hanging with your girls all day. And do I have to remind you that winter is coming up which means cuddling season is almost here. Is it that hard for a man to act right for once. (When will I find the one for me?? Patiently waiting I guess...)

SAVING THE BEST FOR LAST---

I am so excited because I just got the email that I've been awarded the grant to go to Emory University Public Health Convention. I can't wait to broaden my horizon and see what the field of Public Health has to offer me.

Fell into an infatuation hole now i'm reaping the consequences.

If you say you like someone and/or interested in "talking" to them why is it you can't put away time in the day to talk to them and then days later say whats up like we gonna jump right back into the swing of things....that's something I will never understand with boys/"men" smh...maybe its not meant to be like i thought it was...until next time..

8/18/10 R.I.P Grandma "Dollie"

So today was a sad day for my family and I. We found out a day later that my Grandma died, we were in shock because my mom just spoke to her a couple days ago. It was my father's mother and I felt some what close to her because she lived with us a few months while I was in high school. I just wish I saw her again and I thought I would. My heart really goes out to my father because for the year now he's been saying that he was going to see her. My grandma lived in St. Croix. I just really feel sad for him because my mother said that when she told him he just got really quiet. I wish my immediate family was there to console him. I just feel like he's going through this pain all by himself ( he is in Antigua for the year). When I think about my father and how close he was to his mother it just hurts my heart. I do not want to ever think about the day when my parents my pass, and leave me and brothers behind. God Forbid that its anytime soon. I just hope he is ok because I don't know how he really took it. I pray that everything just gets back to normal soon. I don't want to think about this any more...the more I think the more I want to cry. So have a good night world until next time....

idle thougths

Don't you hate when people are inconsistent with hitting you up (i.e text, calls, emails)...if you're not going to be consistent after awhile do not do it in the first place because it seems appealing to the other person...I'd rather know how you really are now than to worry about it later...SN: I'm having second thoughts about him...

8/12/10

Sitting here so bored outta my mind this is not how I wanted to spend my last two weeks of summer vacation...but I am happy that the fall session will be back in session. I thank God for two Jobs and free rent and that I will be able to graduate in the Spring YEP!! God is GREAT!!!

gotta a lot of thing on my mind

...I have a wall built up to guard my heart and it wont allow me to express my feelings or love someone that I know is good for me. I'm scared of the pain and the heartache it might bring along. I've already been through enough I'm not trying to add more baggage unto my life, so its sad to say but I'll probably be content with living my life alone, but I know that's a lie, because I want someone by my side. But I have to open up first...until then I will be my own person and do what i want, but I'm scared I might miss that opportunity because I have a wall up. So now what I should do from here...break down that wall right?! but the hardest part is start...

=(

I really don't know what I want and I hate that feeling...and its irking me and I don't feel like being around anyone or talking to anyone right now...

Attempt 1

My love,
Is waking up to your favorite breakfast in bed
My love,
Is knowing I'll always be there for the good and the bad
My love,
Is not judgmental
My love,
Is like a mother lion securing her cubs
My love,
Is indescribable and once you get a taste of my love you will never forget how good it makes you feel.
My love,
Is addicting and you'll crave for it day and night
My love,
Is all you'll yearn for in life with God by your side.
My Love!


...ok this is one of my first poems it's not the best and I wish it was more detailed and metaphorical so I'm going to work on that and come back with a better poem with more visual words and descriptions. The next topic will be about my future husband.

I should be studying...

Why is it that when you are about to do something productive someone gotta slap you with the please disturb me sign. Well there's more to the story....I'll start from the beginning.

I met this guy at this bowling alley/club and we were peeping each other so we exchanged numbers. Recap on guy:He's alot older than me but he's still in his 20s...seem to have his thing together but I know there are things that I will never know about this guy and it bothers me. I don't want to assume the worse about him but sometimes I can't help it. I've never talked to someone so much older than me...so I really don't what to do or how to act in certain situations. Anyways back to the story....from since the time we've met we've seen each other everyday except for two days including today. He told me that he's been talking to someone for 3 months but they're not in a relationship. At fist this bothered me initially but then I thought to myself, "ok, he doesn't have a gf and i don't know if I'm actually looking for a bf so I'll just be cool with the situation." Well I guess I was wrong because i know deep down that I'm definitely not cool with it. I know that whenever i am talking to someone i would like for it to be exclusive on both sides. I also know that I don't care to date around and meet a whole bunch of guys, that's just not me. You know whats bothering me the fact that I actually like him just a tad bit and I'm curious to see where it goes. But i don't think it will work point blank and I know that I shouldn't prolong this too long for my own sanity. I remember how I felt before talking to him I was happier because I was in control of everything and how I felt, with him in the equation its like I'm stressing myself too much, and its only been a week. [shake my head] Yea he's older, financially stable, um yea that's about it but I'm not going to stress myself on the rest because its not worth it. In a year or two I will be moving up north to start the life that I want, until then I don' think I will be worrying about the opposite sex. I enjoy being stress free and doing me!

back to reality

So I am back from the most amazing trip of my life...I went to London, Paris, and Rome, and I fell in love with some parts of Europe. Mini-Recap London was great but not the best everything closes really early and its always raining. Paris is filled with diversity and I can see myself living there for an extended period of time, Rome was absolutely beautiful and I would love to go back....I just felt so free over there. I took too may pictures but it was all worth the memory card money lol.

Anyways I am finally back to blogging, I haven't had much to say lately but now I do, and I'm ready to dish out juicy stories lol, but guess what I have to sleep so I'll tell it later! [MuAh] <3

Going Abroad

Leaving for London Paris and Rome...see you in 2 weeks...=)

Help!!

Naptural Hair Sturggles

Right now I am going through some things that are making me struggle with my natural hair. Like, not knowing what to do with it because I feel like many styles do not suit me or my face, and I am very picky when it comes to my hair. I'm thinking about getting a relaxer because I absolutely love straight hair, but in the back of my mind my conscious is telling me wait till my hair gets longer and then go from there. My hair is a lil pass my shoulders but my goal for my hair is to be arm pit length by the end of this year. My question to myself is, do you think I can get the same results with relaxed hair, knowing how prone my hair is to breaking? hmmm, I don't know! I would be soo upset if my hair broke off once I got a relaxer..I would probably transition again and never look back, but I am thinking, that is a risk I'm kind of willing to take. I mean I would not just relax my hair and not have a regimen. Trust me I already thought of a regimen and the products I would put in my hair. I have visited blogs like Hairlista.com and she has the same type of hair like me, 4b. So why couldn't I grow my hair to bra strap length like hers with a relaxer. I really need to put some more thought into this, because obviously I am doubting my decisions too much.

Well, one thing I did forget to mention was, I am putting kinky twist in my hair in the next two weeks, because I am going Europe for the summer. So once I return I will decide whether or not I am going to keep the twist in for the rest of the year. I think I would love the thought of just getting up and going and taking care of my hair while in the twist. Life just seems easier that way lol. But I will see, decisions have to be made but as of now they can wait.

New Phase

So the time has come for a new phase in my life. I have decided to relax my hair again. After 2 years of being natural I'm tired of of it ad I know I will take good care of my hair once I get a relaxer. The reason why I want to get a relaxer is because I love straight hair. It has nothing with what negative things "mainstream America" thinks about our beautiful kinks and curls, its just MY preference. As we all know hair is hair and if I want to go back natural in the future I would definitely do it. I have done my research on how to care for relax hair through blogs like hairlista and Long Hair Care Forum, and I cant not wait to see the length and thickness that's what I will be aiming for. I would also like to have pictorials of my hair growth to show growth and thickness. My goals are the same like it was for my natural hair, APL by December 2010. Anyways anyone who is dealing with the issue of relaxing their hair again I hope I have encouraged you to do whatever it is you like. Hair is hair and it will always grow back if its taken care of properly. toodles =)

throw in the towel

You ever felt like you've lost all hope and just want to give up on everything...just throw in the towel and call it a day? Well, that's how I am feeling right now!!! Lets hope tomorrow is a good day but I feel as if its going to be bad...but I pray that its not. Amen!!! Lord you know my heart and what I want!

screech...work over load

I cant wait till this semester is OVER!!! I feel like I'm over heating with things to do..places to go grades to keep up and things to know. I really can't wait till April 30th @ 5pm I will be doing the happy dance in the parking lot of my internship location!!! I pray to see that day!!! In the mean time I pray that I pass my CPT test...so I would not have to worry about it ever again I pray Jesus that You give me the knowledge and wisdom to pass this test. Then I can get on with my life. Thank you so much!!!
My hair is currently being punished because of my laziness and this is not going to work if I want it to reach mid back length by the end of the year. I am also planning on relaxing my hair again. I really love straight relaxed hair and I just want to try being relaxed again because this time around I will know how to manage and take care of my hair. I'm kind of at the cross words because I feel like if I do get a relaxer I'm letting down a few people in my life and I can just hear people saying, "oh i know she wasn't going to stick with it" but you know what when I first went natural I wasn't intending on staying natural I told myself that I was going to be natural so that my hair can grow out to the length I want and then relax it and keep up with from then on. So I guess this is the point where I turn back to the "lye" I just hope it doesn't cut off on me. As of now my hair is shoulder length.
Anyone toodles for now... =]

Hana Professional Flat Iron Giveaway!!!!!

I just read a great post on The Feisty House blog about this amazing flat iron called the Hana Professional Flat Iron. It seems like the real deal, and I've been looking for a flat iron where I can do it myself and not have to worry about going to the salon. Anywho if you want to join in on this contest here is the link below and the website's link to read about the reviews. Dont pass up this offer I know I wont!!!



The Feisty House: Hana Professional Flat Iron


Link to website:
http://www.misikko.com/hana-professional-flat-iron.html?gclid=CLuMwIHrmKACFRKfnAod3XwmeA

neoooo stop me!!!

So today was a great day for my stomach...but not for my weight...

I indulged in a meatball Sub from Sobiks, then Jerk chicken and rice for Dinner....and as I type this up I'm eating a warm brownie with chocolate and vanilla icing w/ milk....ughhhhh I dont think I'm going to eat anything for the rest of the week..and I think my stomach is giving me the silent before the storm treatment..you know where it erupts in the middle of the night for a little surprise...ugh lol

Things are changing..=D

So I'm am going to start incorporating more pictures and videos on my blog...starting with this one:

Hair Update

My hair is growing...and I am ecstatic about that!!!! (my hair is semi straight the humidity got to it)

I have been taking my hairfinity pills daily, Mega-Tek and Jamaican Castor oil every other day and of course the usual co wash w/ Giovanni, DC with lustrasilk mixed with some essential oils. I also shampoo my hair with Biotin Shampoo and Conditioner once a month. That is my simple regimen, even though I am product Junkie, I don't like putting a whole bunch of products in my hair.

To get that slick look I use eco styler gel...it doesn't make my hair too hard or sticky. =D

-Ren



PS I Big Chopped (BC) in Dec. 2008 I had like 5 inches of hair and my hair is now shoulder length...my goal is to have APL by Dec 2010...do you think I will make it!!?

...And thats why I keep things to myself

this is me venting...

so about 2wks ago I was feeling a little home sick (i would call my mom everyday, I usually call 2 or 3x week), and I was thinking about going home this weekend, but it all changed two days ago. During the time I would tell my mom how I was dissatisfied with my internship and that I don't think I will ever be a case manager for the elderly. I was almost at quits but I know deep down I wouldn't quit. I just like expressing my feelings so it wont build up. Wrong decision telling her (& I knew it from the beginning it was a huge mistake but I kept on going). During the time she would talk about my brothers and how they never listen and that's why they are in the predicament that they are in now....She always hold on to that instead of letting it go...I mean we can't do anything about it now..life goes on!! She would listen and tell me, " Oh do what you want to do blah, blah, blah"

So the other day I came across an internship in DC its a paid internship all you have to do is apply and they MIGHT pick you!!! They pay round trip airfare, I would get weekly stipends ($480) and the organization I would work for would find a place for me to live and I would have to pay the rent from the weekly stipend I get. Sounds like a good deal right!! Oh yea I would also get college credits!!

So I am excited about the information mtg which I am still going to on Monday, so I couldn't wait to tell my mother. I called her that night telling her about the internship, and before she even understood all the details of the internship she starts getting all CRAZY (literally) saying oh she opposes of me doing it, I don't know anyone in DC, its going to be cold, she has to pay for everything and its going to be expensive. I'm like didn't I tell this lady its a paid internship and they are paying for the airfare etc. That's how I know she wasn't listening. She keeps talking and talking and I'm like can you listen. And she shouts no you need to listen to me. In my mind I'm like why the hell did I tell this lady anything to begin with. She then goes back and throw in my face how I don't like the internship that I am in right now and what if that happens to me again. Which is a risk I am willing to take.

BTW I told her i don't even know if I would get a job in Case Mgmt and that I was thinking about going back to nursing. which I know she loved hearing...BIG ASS MISTAKE!!!! (that is a back up plan) But after talking with my internship supervisor the next day she tells me and another intern that they are planning on hiring 2 of us for the summer.

back to the point...I'm like does she think I'm going to stay in Florida with them all my life and never leave because i don't know anyone anywhere else. I'm going to be turning 22 at the end of the year and I do plan on starting my life with or without their approval...To me I feel as if my parents do not take advantage of their social networking, because they are too caught up in their old ways (pride). In order to make it you need to put yourself out there it may be scary at first but you have to do it. If that means me going to live in another state or country to have a better life for me and my future family then so be it!!! This is the time to experience things because I don't know when that time will come again. I don't plan on always working a 9 to 5 just to sustain my family needs.

Its funny because when I go up on down the elevator at my internship (its a sky rise; 25 floors) you can tell who is who...and I don't plan on being a little pea in pod...I'm not destined for that and I know that!! I remember this conversation in the elevator: There was a man saying Oh I was going to take a day off today but decided not too, then the other man says oh that's good for you but I cant do that I have to work everyday...I know I do NOT want to be the man that says he has to work everyday. That's why you build your self up now, learn from others mistakes and take them into account. I know I've made some mistakes in the past, but I have to get over them because they're only a learning experience.

I wish I can talk to my parents with out them jumping down my throat...Oh yea to make it even better. My dad called me the next morning saying I need to take that out of my head and I'm not going to another state, he didn't even try to know exactly what I was talking about with my mother...I'm like I'm done...I would NEVER tell them anything until I know for sure that I am doing it and its already in the works. I have to live MY life...and I can't always wait for their approval, if so i don't know how I would be able to live...

-Ren


My goals are to graduate with a BA in Gerontology (get a job), get my masters in Public Health via Peace corps, work for the CDC or WHO or another global health organization and take myself up from their with the blessings of God...Father God I hope this is what you want for me and the doors of opportunity are there for me to walk through!!

morning blues

So its 10:08am...and I'm laying in bed thinking about my internship that I didnt go today, why? because I woke up at the time I was suppose to be there!!! And I cant go in now cuz that would be embarrassing so I just called in and told them I wouldn't be able to make it due to a family emergency...I know I feel soooo bad that I had to lie, but I was already late monday because I slept in again. I'm like what the hell is wrong with me! All I know is that I have to go sleep earlier from now on even if my body doesnt want it...On the bright side at least I can get somethings done for my other classes...lets hope that happens because I'm contemplating going back to sleep for a little. I also have bantu knots in my hair that I slaved over last night which is one of the reasons I went to sleep late...ugh why me??? anyways I'm just going to go back to sleep until 11am and then wake up and complete some assignments and unravel my bantu knots!!

1 perspective on friendship

Can someone actually go through life without any close friends. Well i believe so; i have been living my life where I have had a lot of disappointments in this thing called "friendship" when things come up I try to reevaluate myself to see if its just me. And this is how it goes: I am very expressive person when it comes to facial expressions and many people judge me off of that even my so called closes friends. I tell ppl over and over again what you might see on the outside is not how it really is on the inside. I dont believe those are excuses its just that I am a person that thinks a lot. When I say a lot I mean A LOT!!!! and before someone is even done addressing me or talking to me about something my mind is going a millions miles per minute...or more like second. Thats just me! I try to change that but I am an avid believer on think before you speak, so instead of just blurting out things that could hurt others feelings I think things through and that usually comes out in my facial expressions, and then I'm the one getting persecuted for it. But when someone blurts out something out of repulsion or just pure meanness oh its said to be "speaking the truth" or "keeping it real" Well there are consequences for that and even though people might not see it now, I think it will come back to bite them. Thats why I dont always desire being with people and i try not to get caught up in that whole little buddy thing. Because once the end of the day come we all go our separate ways and never see each other again or loose contact for a long period of time. Do you understand what I'm saying! Trust me I learned this the hard way growing up, but dont get me wrong I'm not telling people not to go out and get friends, because I have friends/associates, but from now on I'm not going to let them effect my emotions by getting close and telling them my whole life story. I'm like, how long is that going to last?! I used to ask the Lord for a life long friend but I didnt get that, but I am happy of the wonderful people I've met through out my years in college. I have grown alot in the 3 years I've been in college and I know I'll continue growing through the life God has given me. So I'll make the best of what I have and keep living in faith <3

A work in progress =)

Things I need to work on:

1. spending money on food, when I can just wait to go home and make some!
2. telling my friends things that they dont need to know about me...everyone doesnt need to know my business, even though they might say they're my friend.
3. reading my textbooks for class...but that are so dang boring...ugh lol!
4. Making more money
5. Not worrying about people to much...i think that's what stresses me the most...i'd rather be care free about that.
6. Love myself more and improve on my daily wardrobe
* I feel when people first see me they dont take me to be a 21 yr old young lady in college, they probably see as some "random" chick with hooded sweater (butthere so comfortable though). I want to improve my wardrobe so that my appearance wouldn't be so "dull" all of the time...dont get me wrong though I can dress up when I want to.
7. Meet a "friend" of the opposite sex...lol

...only Me

sometimes I just want to get lost in my own world, where everything makes sense and there's no drama....unfortunately that world is only in my imagination. [i thought these days were over...]

friendship??? whats that!!!

It seems like every time I write on my blog i'm just venting emotional things that bothers me alot.

Well this blog is about friendship..and how everytime I think I have a real close friend something bad happens between us, and today was the "ultimate"; me and my 4 closes friends feel that we are too comfortable with each other, meaning we (mainly one friend) just say somethings without thinking it through and sometimes makes one of our friends upset. Today was my time of being upset...but I was upset more than usual. To the point where we went home and fb chat each other and came up with the conclusion that if we dont like each other's company then we can stop being in each others company (well my friend brought that up not me)...laymen's term = stop being friends! When she said that I was just like wow...this is a girl that tries to make everyone her friend even when you can tell when the other person does not want to be her friend.

recap: bascially what happened was she was telling a story about her day and everyone was talking and she couldnt get it out...so she got an attitude and said she didnt want to talk anymore even though we told her she had the floor to speak...then she wants to blow up on me telling everyone I'm always so damn rude...basically embarrassing me infront of other friends and associates...if I wasnt the person that I am today I would've went off but instead I just gave her the silent treatment..and then she wants to call me moody I'm like WTF is that.

anyways I feel as if she's the type of person that like saying slick stuff but when its back at her she doesnt like it. Funny thing was she really wanted to live with me thie upcoming fall, but I told her I didnt think it was a good idea a while back since we always snap at each other...it just wouldnt be healthy.

I really thought she was a close friend of mine but like I told her when push comes to shove we see how people relationships really are. And I guess ours weren't really strong.

Going off of that whole story I've come to realize something about myself, I'm the kind of person that likes to keep my business to myself and do things my way, when I want to do it. I wouldnt call it selfish because that was how I was brought up. I was always thought to do things for myself and not depend on anyone or trust people to think that they would always have your back...i'm talking from experience also. I'm sorry that I can't always confide to a person everything I do or have done in life...thats just not me. People you see one day can leave you and never be seen again the next day. I thought I was growing into this "sisterhood" type of girl but when I think about it I'm definitly not. I hate having to meet someone one day and then everytime I see them I feel obligated to speak or say "HI" to them. Thats just not me. It may sound bitter, but I didn't grow up with people always around me especially girls. Dont get me wrong I enjoy spending time with people that makes me laugh but I know every good thing comes to an end, so there's no reason to linger on things that wont be there for too long. You know like a season ending or changing every few days like florida lol!

Anyways thats my vent for right now...semester is going pretty well...my internship is great...and I'm still claiming an A+ in all my classes <3

NEW YEAR..BETTER ME!

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!! LAST FULL YEAR IN COLLEGE TIME FLIES...GOOD NIGHT!