...days like this I just wanna be on an Island!

...currently at work bored and soo damn tired, all I can think about in the back of my mind is the guy. I have a pletora of different feelings towards him. I wish he would show me whether or not he was really interested, because he would say all these things and yet act a different way (games). I know he's going through a lot right now, but just like how he wants me to open up to him, I wish he would do the same for me. I didnt bother contacting him yesterday nor will I today, I'm tired of feeling like I am the one chasing him. Its time to sit back and see where this goes from here, if its meant to be it will be, but in the mean time I have a lot more important things to worry about.


Me and my first love been talking for a week now, just catching up on each others lives, and I even told him I wanted to see him, so I was considering flying or drving to go see him (he lives in a different state). Well yesterday reality just slapped me in the face again to why I'd rather not deal with him. He is someone I can not rely on and just like the guy I'm interested in its all words and no actions. He made it seem like he was down for it, and then last night he told me he didnt realize it was in September, after I've been telling him the date for about 2 days now. Then he told me he's now smoking some hard stuff. I wasn't surprised, but I was just like, well damn! He made it seem as if his life was going in the right direction but he failed to tell me that he still lives with his mother and now he smokes, and God only know what else he does. I am not putting myself in harms way, so I just told him forget it. If you can't be honset with me there's no need for me to waste my time.

PSA: I am by no means in need for a man, but I do want one. Especially for the days when you're tired of hanging with your girls all day. And do I have to remind you that winter is coming up which means cuddling season is almost here. Is it that hard for a man to act right for once. (When will I find the one for me?? Patiently waiting I guess...)

SAVING THE BEST FOR LAST---

I am so excited because I just got the email that I've been awarded the grant to go to Emory University Public Health Convention. I can't wait to broaden my horizon and see what the field of Public Health has to offer me.

Fell into an infatuation hole now i'm reaping the consequences.

If you say you like someone and/or interested in "talking" to them why is it you can't put away time in the day to talk to them and then days later say whats up like we gonna jump right back into the swing of things....that's something I will never understand with boys/"men" smh...maybe its not meant to be like i thought it was...until next time..

8/18/10 R.I.P Grandma "Dollie"

So today was a sad day for my family and I. We found out a day later that my Grandma died, we were in shock because my mom just spoke to her a couple days ago. It was my father's mother and I felt some what close to her because she lived with us a few months while I was in high school. I just wish I saw her again and I thought I would. My heart really goes out to my father because for the year now he's been saying that he was going to see her. My grandma lived in St. Croix. I just really feel sad for him because my mother said that when she told him he just got really quiet. I wish my immediate family was there to console him. I just feel like he's going through this pain all by himself ( he is in Antigua for the year). When I think about my father and how close he was to his mother it just hurts my heart. I do not want to ever think about the day when my parents my pass, and leave me and brothers behind. God Forbid that its anytime soon. I just hope he is ok because I don't know how he really took it. I pray that everything just gets back to normal soon. I don't want to think about this any more...the more I think the more I want to cry. So have a good night world until next time....

idle thougths

Don't you hate when people are inconsistent with hitting you up (i.e text, calls, emails)...if you're not going to be consistent after awhile do not do it in the first place because it seems appealing to the other person...I'd rather know how you really are now than to worry about it later...SN: I'm having second thoughts about him...

8/12/10

Sitting here so bored outta my mind this is not how I wanted to spend my last two weeks of summer vacation...but I am happy that the fall session will be back in session. I thank God for two Jobs and free rent and that I will be able to graduate in the Spring YEP!! God is GREAT!!!

gotta a lot of thing on my mind

...I have a wall built up to guard my heart and it wont allow me to express my feelings or love someone that I know is good for me. I'm scared of the pain and the heartache it might bring along. I've already been through enough I'm not trying to add more baggage unto my life, so its sad to say but I'll probably be content with living my life alone, but I know that's a lie, because I want someone by my side. But I have to open up first...until then I will be my own person and do what i want, but I'm scared I might miss that opportunity because I have a wall up. So now what I should do from here...break down that wall right?! but the hardest part is start...

=(

I really don't know what I want and I hate that feeling...and its irking me and I don't feel like being around anyone or talking to anyone right now...

Attempt 1

My love,
Is waking up to your favorite breakfast in bed
My love,
Is knowing I'll always be there for the good and the bad
My love,
Is not judgmental
My love,
Is like a mother lion securing her cubs
My love,
Is indescribable and once you get a taste of my love you will never forget how good it makes you feel.
My love,
Is addicting and you'll crave for it day and night
My love,
Is all you'll yearn for in life with God by your side.
My Love!


...ok this is one of my first poems it's not the best and I wish it was more detailed and metaphorical so I'm going to work on that and come back with a better poem with more visual words and descriptions. The next topic will be about my future husband.